I Work Full Time but I Don't Have a Job

I haven't posted in so long that I almost forgot about this little fledgling blog. I haven't posted because I've been busy. Busy like working full time busy. Except I haven't been working at a job: I've been working at all the things in my life which I have been putting off for a year and a half. Its great. I feel immense amounts of satisfaction finishing up these tasks which have been lingering on my "to-do" list for ages. 

I've been so occupied with these things that I haven't even had time to look for a job. And I am OK with that. In my experience, it is the times when I am most engaged with the world and most joyfully and un-self-consciously living life that excellent opportunities drop into my lap.

And, its seems that out economy might be slowly improving now so why not wait out the storm (or in this case the drought)?

Of course, I am in a slightly different position from many people. I have roommates who help pay the mortgage and I have part-time income in addition to a little bit of available credit left on my credit cards. If I am frugal (I am always pretty frugal) and patient, I can remain unabashedly unemployed until August. 

And by then I'll have finished many major projects and will be ready for the full time income to finish up others.

And I won't be so stressed out with all these things looming over me, needing to be done on the weekends when what I really need to be doing is recovering from an exhausting week.

In the past, when I have had lots of free time, I have usually slept through it. But last week, I was up at 5:20am every morning and in bed usually by 11pm. On Friday I took a nap in the morning because I was so tired. I have been going going going all day, fixing my car, finishing projects around the house, running errands, putting systems in place, making the house beautiful. 

I don't know where all this energy came from, maybe from months and months of life coaching or from coming out from under the cloud that was my life in 2008. Maybe it was getting to know myself well enough to finally appreciate what I value and see that it has been here all along: community, my home, my dog, my car, my creative endeavors. It feels like I was on the right path before but I couldn't move. I was just standing there, frozen. And now I'm jogging again, enjoying the day and just glad to be moving.

Speaking of jogging, I've been consistently exercising. And not in that "I better go exercise now so that I don't look like a lard ass next week" way but in the "I can't wait to get out on the trail today or go swimming today" way. I enjoy the activities that I am doing and look forward to them. I make sure to fit them into my day. I've never enjoyed running before but now I do. I am still not that good at it compared to most people but I am VERY good at it compared to myself. I'm the best runner that I've ever been and I see this new level of fitness impacting my stamina in the rest of my life.

I wish I could explain how I got here but it seems to be nothing short of a miracle. I am the most unathletic person I have ever met but suddenly the yoga video is nothing to me and I can run without stopping for a half mile (like I said, not a big deal to others but a big deal to me). 

My batteries are charged again. And running and writing and taking care of the house and the dog . . . these things keep them charged. Also, resting on Sundays keeps them charged as well.

So, in the end. I am not sure how often I will keep up this blog. I'll let you know how everything turns out in the end, if and when I get a job and if I don't get a job, how I end up affording to life my wonderful life.

I'll let you know when I get back to my normal weight of 130lbs too. And I'll most likely brag myself to death when I can run 2 miles without stopping. 

In the meantime, if you have any questions, ask away in comments and I'll reply. And please subscribe to my other blog Singlutionary which I'll continue to update weekly. 

Applying for a Job I Like

I've spent a lot of time this week trying to come to terms with the kind of job that I actually want. 

It took me so long just to get to the point where I could say "I want a job" that these simple little steps seem like huge victories to me. 

So this week, in the midst of my despair, the only thing that I could count on was that I actually want a full time job. I look forward to it. I look forward to applying myself to something and getting a paycheck in return and having some structure in my life.

But what kind of thing do I want to fill that space, that 40 hours a week, that 1/4 of my life?

Nothing was appealing to me. NOTHING. What kind of job do I want? I don't know but I'm not excited about this one. 

Sigh. It really sucks to keep applying to jobs that you're not really that excited about. I let it bring me down. It got in the way. There were so many wonderful things to do in the world and I couldn't be joyful about them because I couldn't get over the fact that no job excited me.

And then, last night, in the wee hours, I decided to check craigslist. And craigslist like the trickster that s/he is had a little jem of hope for me: A job that made my pulse race, that made me smile, that actually motivated me to begin a cover letter right then and right there, to brainstorm the ways in which I could change my resume to be more effective for this particular position. 

Its a dream job. Its a job that marries my skills and experience and my love for dogs. Its a job that would give me weekends off, respect in my communities and would feed my soul.

I hope I get it. But if not, at least I know what it feels like to be excited about a job again.

Kinda feels like a mini-falling-in-love. It feels like spring days after a long winter, like a bubble bath at the end of a long day, like blady-blahdey-blah. 

Anyways. That is all. I no longer feel like my working future is dead. A job that is right for me will feed my wallet and fuel my life. I'll be more satisfied, more inspired and more energetic. I'll loose 20 pounds and find 20 dollars in the sofa.

I can't wait to go back to work!

And in the meantime I better get cracking on finishing up the garden and my rain water collection barrels and painting the kitchen and working out constantly and enjoying long days at the greenbelt and fixing my car and fixing my bike and going on bike rides and cleaning out the AC now that its getting hot around here.