Applying for a Job I Like

I've spent a lot of time this week trying to come to terms with the kind of job that I actually want. 

It took me so long just to get to the point where I could say "I want a job" that these simple little steps seem like huge victories to me. 

So this week, in the midst of my despair, the only thing that I could count on was that I actually want a full time job. I look forward to it. I look forward to applying myself to something and getting a paycheck in return and having some structure in my life.

But what kind of thing do I want to fill that space, that 40 hours a week, that 1/4 of my life?

Nothing was appealing to me. NOTHING. What kind of job do I want? I don't know but I'm not excited about this one. 

Sigh. It really sucks to keep applying to jobs that you're not really that excited about. I let it bring me down. It got in the way. There were so many wonderful things to do in the world and I couldn't be joyful about them because I couldn't get over the fact that no job excited me.

And then, last night, in the wee hours, I decided to check craigslist. And craigslist like the trickster that s/he is had a little jem of hope for me: A job that made my pulse race, that made me smile, that actually motivated me to begin a cover letter right then and right there, to brainstorm the ways in which I could change my resume to be more effective for this particular position. 

Its a dream job. Its a job that marries my skills and experience and my love for dogs. Its a job that would give me weekends off, respect in my communities and would feed my soul.

I hope I get it. But if not, at least I know what it feels like to be excited about a job again.

Kinda feels like a mini-falling-in-love. It feels like spring days after a long winter, like a bubble bath at the end of a long day, like blady-blahdey-blah. 

Anyways. That is all. I no longer feel like my working future is dead. A job that is right for me will feed my wallet and fuel my life. I'll be more satisfied, more inspired and more energetic. I'll loose 20 pounds and find 20 dollars in the sofa.

I can't wait to go back to work!

And in the meantime I better get cracking on finishing up the garden and my rain water collection barrels and painting the kitchen and working out constantly and enjoying long days at the greenbelt and fixing my car and fixing my bike and going on bike rides and cleaning out the AC now that its getting hot around here.