Job Applications

I applied for jobs today. Wow! I know that typically, this would be a daily thing for an unemployed person but for the past week, I have just been trying to wrap my mind around the thought of working full time. 

My resistance to doing something that normal Americans do on a daily basis isn't purely from laziness or from the hedonistic joy of spending my day anyway I want. It also comes from going through many jobs and several careers only to find that a) I am best as my own boss and b) I am capable of running my own business.

So when I made a break from my last job, I thought it was for good. And I have resisted committing myself to working for someone else because I felt like that was a fearful step forward instead of a braver step forward as a self-employed entrepreneur. 

If I am so good at being my own boss, why haven't I been able to make a living? Sigh. I ask myself this all the time. Ideally I'd have two great careers now: one as a realtor and one as an actor. Would I be successful in these things if the market hadn't fallen apart or if work hadn't disappeared completely? I don't know. I don't think I ever would have been a top producing realtor because that wasn't my passion and I doubt I'd be making a huge living acting because the market here was always too small for full-time actors. 

Which is why I am going back to work. I need to regroup and find something to do that is not dependent so much on my city and the availability of work here. And I need to re-rally my financial resources, pay off debt and save.

But I also need to rest. Running around trying to start up a business is exhausting and its even more exhausting when it doesn't work. While I failed at real estate because I didn't pour my heart and soul into it, I DID pour my heart and soul into acting and failed anyways.

Part of the problem is the work itself. But that is a topic for another day.

The point is that now I am tired. So tired that working during the week, saving my pennies and relaxing on the weekends actually sounds great! 

As long as I have time for writing. 

But now that I have practiced my daily unemployment schedule routine for a week,  feel much more confident that a) I can function just find on less than 8 hours of sleep a night and b) I WILL have time to work out and to hang out and to write. It will all fit if I just work one full time job.

Of course, I won't be working one full time job but a job and a half. But once the dust settles, I think I'll be happy with my life for the next 2.5 years at least.

And then onto new adventures (again).