Unemployment Blues

So yeah. Its finally hit me. I thought I was invincible but now I am just annoyed and confused and antsy. 

I thought I would post here every day. I mean, I have time right? But being unemployed really isn't that interesting after a while. It was fun at first and now it just sucks. I hate TV but I watch it. I hate pigging out on creepy food like cotton candy but I do it. 

Sigh. 

Part of the problem might be that I have not been keeping to my unemployment schedule which forces me to be productive and not get lost in the many work-less working hours of the day.

But the bigger problem is direction. I know what I am looking for in terms of a job but I am still not so enthused about having a job. On one hand, I want to commit and work for two years at the same job and have a regular paycheck and just relax on the weekends and write and prepare for grad school. On the other hand I am reluctant to commit to a full time job which will entirely rule out any acting work.

I don't want to do acting stuff right now. But what happens when I want to again?

I guess one big thing that has happened is that my State Bill has passed which makes my state more competitive in attracting film/tv/video/any-moving-image projects. So there will be more work and wouldn't I rather do that than be an office drone all day?

The problem is that I am not sure. I would rather be an office drone all day for a while. But if opportunity abounds again in my state and in my little city, why would I want to be an office drone.

Maybe I could work it out so that my droning could be flexible enough for me to go to auditions and bookings.

And then of course there is the problem of getting auditions since I haven't been very good about building my resume or taking classes or kissing asses lately. 

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. 

I feel mired in my own indecision this week. I go through the motions of applying for jobs but secretly I don't want any of them. Well, not so secretly I guess. 

And at the same time I get excited thinking about working again full time and about how nice it will be to have a regular steady work schedule and how fun it will be to pay off all my debt. 

I wish I could make up my own mind!